Thursday, May 10, 2012


It's an odd feeling. Odd, when unintentionally you say something unpleasant/wrong and then you fully accept that you are wrong, without denying anything, because yes, indeed you slipped and although your words were meant  to convey something else (also not extremely polite), you ended up expressing yourself in a bad way and  not all relaying what you thought you were relaying. Your words were stupid and bound to be misconstrued.

You fully admit you are wrong. And that you didn't think before speaking. No excuses, instead you say you are sorry. One time. Two times. Three times. And furthermore, you really mean it. From the inside. Sorry isn't a word you simply spit into thin air.

Your apology is not accepted. You revisit the story several hours later. You are truly and irreversibly sorry - you made someone else look bad, so admitting you were wrong and apologizing is the only way.

But again it's not enough. Somehow saying and feeling sorry isn't ever enough. When the other party does something of similar nature, just a few words and a smile from them is enough for you to melt. But no, when you're in the wrong, you are somehow expected to really sort of beg for forgiveness and spurt your soul out, then it's deemed a passable apology.

Just feels odd. When someone pushes you so hard to feel even more sorry than you already do, it just leaves a weird aftertaste. Like you just can't be you, you always have to prove something, to justify yourself, to feel guilty, to be deemed worthy. Odd.


Maria said...

Not so much odd...just really, really unfair.

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